I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
