Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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