just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
