U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Come share oat with me in your robe
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
