my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
