did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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