The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
