Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Randomize
