I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
