so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
