i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Randomize
