i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
