You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
