oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
did you just send me my own nude
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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