Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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