My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
