we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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