Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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