forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
