i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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