giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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