Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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