Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
