Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
