Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
