So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
