that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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