she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i will never coherently bang her
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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