the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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