I'm so fucking centered right now
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
