im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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