I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
