I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
