I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
