There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize