The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
