It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
