Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
