He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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