The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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