I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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