I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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