dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
