I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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