Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
