when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
