The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
