I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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