oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
