Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
