Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
