OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
