here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
