Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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