dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
