doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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