What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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