Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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