I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to get me chipped asap
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Two words: nipple clamps
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