No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
