Where did you get a picture of my penis
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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