She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
