I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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