I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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