So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
