The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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