I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
