So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Randomize
