some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's rum buckets o'clock
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
