i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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