She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
