Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
