I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
