sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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