i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
