My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
