Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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