I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
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